It struck me that in that moment, as a parent fearing for your child's life, that those words may have seemed simple, possibly even unhelpful, because what the dad needed, Jesus did not appear to be doing. In the angst of the moment, he may have lost sight of who he was dealing with. And yet, at the end of the day, his daughter was healed, and there was much celebration. The phrase "do not be afraid" is written 365 times throughout the Bible....these are not simple words, they are repeated often.
We must be a fearful people to warrant so many reminders not to be afraid?
This story is one with a 'happy ending' - and yet in life, and in the Bible, there are stories that don't end happily... what happens to fear and belief then?
I would say that this weekend I am a bit 'overwhelmed'. I can see blessings - treatment in Ontario, care of professional and thorough medical people, conversations with friends and family, opportunities to support others. I am also fatigued - 2 trips to Ontario in 2 weeks, and I am afraid. Now I have other tests to think about and wonder about and wait for results for: a bone scan and genetics test. Both with bigger consequences than anything so far, if positive results emerge. This healing journey feels a bit like one step forward and then three other steps show up.
Today I have specific requests for prayer (and appreciate the prayers I know many of you are saying):
-That we can sort out the genetics test (some challenge because of being in two provinces for treatment)
-That the oncotype test comes back by the end of this week, and allows me to move to radiation (not chemo)
-That if chemo is required, we can move out of our house here finishing all the jobs needed to be done
-That a bone scan (to be done when I return to Ontario) is clear
-That I can regain my inner strength, and certainty
We ended our service today with a beautiful song - called "Glorious Ruins". The verse that stood out for me are near the end:
When the world caves in
Still my hope will cling to Your promise
Where my courage ends
Let my heart find strength in Your presence
Our courage does sometimes come to the end of itself... and that's OK. I think it's the reminders that we are loved, and we will be OK that are important in those moments....The "do not be afraid - just believe" moments. And so, I continue to hope and believe that our fears can finds rest, strength, calm, in our faith-filled, sometimes stumbling, journey.