In my last blog post, I was championing the persistence of growth even where least expected (see July 23). Yesterday I found myself outside trying to clean up weeds that insist on growing up between our interlocking bricks - again!! I had just done this a couple of weeks ago. Suddenly I realized I was completely frustrated by the same persistence of growth I recently seemed to celebrate. As I muttered to myself, I started to smile at the irony of this. Turns out there is powerful growth and annoying growth - both green! The other interesting observation is that the walkway from a distance looks great - it's only up close that you start to see the weeds pushing through.
How does this connect with cancer?!? I find I have been doing a lot of reflecting this summer. I have also had lots of conversations as we reconnect with family and friends. What I know and feel now more than I have ever felt before, is that we don't know our timing here on earth... for me that is not a morbid thought, it is reality. What stands out for me now, is that we all have choices about how we use our time. People have said pretty consistently to me that I 'look great'! A friend today said I should be the "poster child for radiation". Truthfully, I continue to feel pretty good - a little more tired, but overall good. (15/20 done - tomorrow's my last day of double dose)
We look at each other and see a clean walkway. Sometimes, we even compare ourselves to others, still only seeing the clear walkway and wonder how they can be so - attractive, smart, popular, content...you fill in the blanks.
As we look at ourselves though, we see the up close version....the one where the weeds start poking through. As great as people say I look, no one except Paul, knows what it has been like to live with me all these months - and there have been some days that aren't so pretty! And even before Paul or a close friend sees the 'real me', there are the 'invisible weeds - just starting to take root, that threaten to emerge and grow strong if not dealt with.
We will never be perfect - without weeds - and I think it's incredibly important to do whatever work we need to do, in order to minimize the impact of these weeds on our life. I watch people who are making hard choices, who refuse to look at the deeper weeds taking root, and I wonder how long they can preserve the nice looking walkway? I see families that have struggled over the years to remain connected, afraid to say what needs to be said to move forward together, bound by such growth under the surface, that they are not even close to the beauty they were created to be.
So indirectly, I guess I am grateful for weeds! They remind me of so much, and weeding gives me lots of time to reflect on what might be growing up in me - that which needs to be nurtured and that which needs to be pulled!
How does this connect with cancer?!? I find I have been doing a lot of reflecting this summer. I have also had lots of conversations as we reconnect with family and friends. What I know and feel now more than I have ever felt before, is that we don't know our timing here on earth... for me that is not a morbid thought, it is reality. What stands out for me now, is that we all have choices about how we use our time. People have said pretty consistently to me that I 'look great'! A friend today said I should be the "poster child for radiation". Truthfully, I continue to feel pretty good - a little more tired, but overall good. (15/20 done - tomorrow's my last day of double dose)
We look at each other and see a clean walkway. Sometimes, we even compare ourselves to others, still only seeing the clear walkway and wonder how they can be so - attractive, smart, popular, content...you fill in the blanks.
As we look at ourselves though, we see the up close version....the one where the weeds start poking through. As great as people say I look, no one except Paul, knows what it has been like to live with me all these months - and there have been some days that aren't so pretty! And even before Paul or a close friend sees the 'real me', there are the 'invisible weeds - just starting to take root, that threaten to emerge and grow strong if not dealt with.
We will never be perfect - without weeds - and I think it's incredibly important to do whatever work we need to do, in order to minimize the impact of these weeds on our life. I watch people who are making hard choices, who refuse to look at the deeper weeds taking root, and I wonder how long they can preserve the nice looking walkway? I see families that have struggled over the years to remain connected, afraid to say what needs to be said to move forward together, bound by such growth under the surface, that they are not even close to the beauty they were created to be.
So indirectly, I guess I am grateful for weeds! They remind me of so much, and weeding gives me lots of time to reflect on what might be growing up in me - that which needs to be nurtured and that which needs to be pulled!