It seems to me that the place where understanding diversity and developing strength as leaders overlaps is in our ability to ask effective questions. We looked at the CHOICE MAP from M. Adams book. She talks about the two mindsets we all have - learner and judger. There is no avoiding judger at some points, so we just want to accept that and try, through greater awareness, to grow our learner mindset and questioning. Students seemed to understand this so well, as they shared how 'judger' type questions - made them feel closed in, less or no choices, sad, distant...while the learner questions opened up possibilities, gave them hope, helped them focus on their learning and growth.
Learner questions:
What happened?
What do I want?
What are the facts?
What are thy thinking, feeling, or wanting?
What are my choices?
What can I learn?
Judger questions:
Why am I such a failure?
Why am I so stupid?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with them?
And the good news is that there are also switcher questions so we can change direction, when we start to sense we are using a Judger Mindset...
Switching Questions sound like:
Is this the hill I want to die on?
Is this how I want to feel?
Is this working? What Assumptions am I making?
Additionally, last week I met with my book club, and we are looking at Brene Brown's newest book - Rising Strong. And this week, we talked about the importance of maintaining curiousity - and she also has great questions to support our curiousity:
What more do I
•need to learn and understand about the situation?
•need to learn and understand about the other people in the story?
need to learn and understand about myself?
She says that we started out life as curious children and then gradually we move away from curiousity - because being curious and not having the answers, makes us feel vulnerable...and we don't like that feeling! Going back to Friday's conference - being a leader and understanding diversity of gender, faith, culture, background, means we aren't going to know and we need a learner mindset - curious and open to what others have to share.
And so for me, while the title "Change your questions, change your life", is quite dramatic - maybe it's also true!?! Our questions and our ability to stay curious make all the difference. In this curiousity, is the energy and hope that moves us forward as we build relationships, on our journey through life!